


Homework Help

by PixelByPixel



Series: Tumblring Tumbleweeds [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: (I can hope), Family, Fluff, Gen, I did far too much research for a fic this size, Maze helped Trixie with her homework, Maze is contractually obligated to smirk, and we have the talk afterward, backstory re: Albanian field hands, post-reveal fic, sometime in the not-so-distant future, things I never wanted to know about Benjamin Franklin, wackiness ensued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 01:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13939839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixelByPixel/pseuds/PixelByPixel
Summary: After an incident at school caused by Maze's attempt at homework help, Chloe discusses the incident with Trixie and Maze, and learns more than she thought she would about one of our Founding Fathers.





	Homework Help

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [@titC](http://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/pseuds/titC) for providing inspiration and research help.

Chloe closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to summon patience. Opening her eyes, she managed a smile for the conspirators, who sat before her on the couch. “Okay, tell me again why you thought this was a good idea?”

“I needed help with my homework.” Trixie flicked a quick glance at Maze, then turned back to Chloe with that wide-eyed, innocent look.

 _Those big eyes aren’t going to help this time, kiddo_ , Chloe thought, though not without some amusement.

“And you were working,” Trixie concluded plaintively.

Damn. Had Maze been including lessons in parental guilt on top of the knife-throwing? Chloe saw her roommate lift a hand to hide a smile and decided that maybe she wasn’t too far off the mark.

Chloe sighed. “Okay, Monkey. Take the books into your room and start working on the make-up assignment. Find the information you need  _in the books_.”

Trixie did as she was told, and Chloe turned back to Maze. “Really?” she asked. “You had to include profanity? She’s  _nine_.”

Unrepentant, Maze shrugged. “Not my fault the books all get that quote wrong.”

Chloe sank onto the couch next to Maze. “Wait, what?” she asked, caught between shock and amusement, as she often was with Maze. “Ben Franklin actually said, ‘Early to bed,  _bitches_ , early to rise’?”

Maze stretched out her long, leather-clad legs, putting her feet up on the coffee table. “Yep. I mean, he was drunk at the time, but he said it. Sounds better that way. And it’s not like he didn’t steal the quote anyway.”

“And you know he said that because…” Chloe tried not to look too startled when Maze merely arched an eyebrow and gave her a knowing look. “You met Ben Franklin?”

Maze nodded, still looking amused. “Lucifer likes revolutions. When he found out what was happening here, we decided to come see.”

“So you and Ben Franklin, what, had dinner or something?” Seeing Maze’s puzzlement, Chloe clarified, “Trixie’s report said that he liked chicken.”

“Oh. Yeah.  _Or something_.” Her eyes glinting with mischief, Maze said, “What I  _actually_  told the kid is that Ben was a breast man. She decided that he liked chicken, and I figured you’d rather I didn’t share the real details.”

Chloe choked back a laugh. “Okay, I did not need to know that about one of our Founding Fathers. Ew. But, yes, thank you for not telling her.”

Maze, ever helpful, offered, “He was just using the quote because he wanted us to go to bed, but let me tell you, he was  _not_  an early riser.” She considered her words, then amended, with a grin, “Well, most of him wasn’t.”

“Maze!” Chloe protested. When she had learned the truth about Maze, Lucifer, and Amenadiel, it had turned her world on its axis, but she had not anticipated conversations like  _this_.

“Oh, but I haven’t even told you what Ben got up to in England,” Maze continued, gleefully relishing Chloe’s discomfort. “The sex cult was  _awesome_. This one time, they tried summoning Satan, and Lucifer came. And then we all came.”

“ _Maze_!” From the heat in her cheeks, Chloe was certain that face had gone scarlet.

Maze smirked. “Bet you won’t find  _that_  in Trixie’s books.”

Despite the obvious proof of celestial beings that had invaded her life, Chloe was not a praying person. But just this once, she devoutly hoped that Maze was right. After all, the books were intended for children.

Chloe relaxed a little as she felt her face cooling. She hated the way Maze - or Lucifer, for that matter - always managed to say just the thing to make her blush. “Why are these stories always about you and Lucifer and famous people?” she asked, desperately hoping for a distraction.

Maze actually took a minute to think about her answer. “Well, some of them are famous  _because_  of Lucifer and his deals,” she said. “But I’m not going to get a fun reaction telling you that Lucifer has good reason to know that you snore like an Albanian field hand.”

“I do not -” Chloe began.

“Please. I live with you.” Maze waited for Chloe’s grudging nod, then continued, “It’s not like you’re going to care about Luljeta. The field hand,” she clarified.

“So there seriously was an Albanian field hand?” Chloe asked, laughing as she shook her head.

Maze grinned, her eyebrows lifting suggestively. “There were several. Luljeta was the one who snored. She was,” she added smugly, “ _very_ tired.”

“Ugh, gross,” Chloe protested, though more out of habit than anything else. “What was it, the sex tour of Albania?”

“Something like that,” Maze agreed. “Lucifer had heard about some Albanian alcohol he wanted to try, and then there was a harvest festival and we stayed for a while. The sex part, well, it just seems to happen.”

And for once Maze didn’t turn the conversation into a come-on. Casting a look toward Trixie’s room, she said, her expression gone serious, “Look, I’m sorry I got the kid in trouble. I thought it was funny. I didn’t think her teacher would get all bent out of shape about it.”

“Well, they do take profanity seriously in elementary school,” Chloe replied. “Especially when it involves oral reports on the Founding Fathers.” And suddenly the ridiculousness of it all struck her: Ben Franklin and his sex cult, her demon roommate, her devil partner, and the image of her sweet daughter innocently announcing  _Early to bed, bitches, early to rise_  to her classmates and their parents, and she just had to laugh. “This is my life, now,” she said to her perplexed roommate, when she was able to speak. “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Maze replied warily. “So Trixie isn’t in trouble?”

Chloe shook her head. “She has to redo the report. I think that’s punishment enough.” Seeing that Maze still looked unwontedly serious, she smiled. “And you’re not in trouble, either. Just maybe try to think about your audience when you tell stories like that?” Maze nodded, with a smile. Chloe got to her feet to start dinner, adding, “If you’re feeling guilty, you can do the dishes tonight.”

Maze laughed. “Not that guilty.” Still, she followed Chloe into the kitchen to watch the dinner preparations. After a few minutes, Trixie came out of her room and, after hugging her mother, started to chop vegetables under Maze’s tutelage.

Yes, Chloe reflected, her life was strange. Despite that, she wouldn’t change it for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally inspired by [Ben Franklin's Song by The Decemberists](https://youtu.be/rVmVVkbx3jE), the most profanity-filled song about a Founding Father that I have ever heard. (Highly recommended.) 
> 
> [@titC](http://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/pseuds/titC) provided information about [Benjamin Franklin and sex cults](https://youtu.be/Ix3JApnAF4w), which _of course_ I had to include. 
> 
> I cannot say for sure whether Ben Franklin actually was a breast man, in either sense of the word, but it may not be too far off the mark.


End file.
